Fate
by Loki Yamimegami
Summary: The rating is tentative. Crossover. There are two boys. Both are very similar and both have complicated lives. But they live very seperate lives. Until... Read to find out! Excuse grammar but i used Wordpad. R+R
1. Cold

Tittle: Lost tentative for now By: Me. =^-^= Neko-chan. Rating: pg-13 Genre: general... I've never been good at genres *pout*  
A/N Now now now, this is nice, a GW/MK crossover! I ahd to, I really did. GW is my all time fave anime and MK is my new muse! I just HAD to! The Prologue Is short and crappy so I'm shmooshing it with Chapt1! I own none of the above. I hope its good. I hope you like. I hope I finish this one ^- ^;; rated pg-13 for YAOI stuff but other then that its people friendly. For the unknowlegded, YAOi is MALE-MALE ralationships. So homophobics *cough*echo*cough* be warned! Hopefully you'll read our of curiousity and either a Not be so stupid b Have a cesure and croak ... j/k I did this in word pad so if there are n e typos please send it to me! arigato! =^-^= ENJOY! -~~^*~--~*^~~- ~__--==-/\-__~*^*~__-/\-==--__~ ~--*~*_^_*~*--~ Prologue ~*~ Blackness. An endless abiss. No sense of up, no sense of down but the true emptiness came form the lack of a sense of self. The young blonde flaoted, unsure of himself, not knowing his surrounding. He openned his eyes to see himself falling toward a simlar version of himself. He reached out toward the rflection to find warm flesh fingers touch his. "Huh?" the boys whispered, now floating before each other. They touched the other's face, amazed that they recognized him as a reflection. "Who-" Before questions could be asked they were thrown from their dream world in opposite directions they had arrived, landing in the cold reality.  
  
-~~^*~--~*^~~- ~__--==-/\-__~*^*~__-/\-==--__~ ~--*~*_^_*~*--~ Chapter One: Cold ~*~  
  
I awoke with a shock, breathing heavily. I looked around at the large decorated room. It was dark... night time maybe? I was sweating cold sweat and finding it hard to breath. I reached over and my chilled fingers fell on someone's warm abdomen. I remembered, somehow, having a warm body like this by me. I felt his muscle tense under my cold fingers and rose. A shock of dark hair and peircing eyes stared ta me. I jumped back, feeling as if I was suddenly with a total stranger.  
  
He didn't have emerald eyes like that... not dead cold eyes like that. The man reached out and I winced, runing into a room and locking teh door, fear seizing me. Where was I? Who was he? And why was my memory a blur. I stumbled forward to the mirror and my eyes widdened. My turquiish green eyes... I remembered having green eyes and blonde hiar but was I really this pale? I wasn't sure... my memory was really failing me. I touch the cold glass. Cold. Everything was cold. I closed my eyes, feeling the strangeness of this scare me down to my core. Where was I?... worse yet, Who was I? These questions replayed over and over in my mind. What was reality? Was this a dream? A nightmare?  
  
Nothing was familiar in this bathroom. Not the large luxurious tub nor the shower nor the labeled towels with QW on one and TB on teh other. Are any of these initials mine? there was asoft knock. "Koi?"  
  
I stared at the door. "Quatre, what happened? Did I... I hurt you?" I looked around, not responding. He wasn't him. I furrowed my brows. Who was him? I sighed. I stood up.  
  
"I..I.. just really...had to use the bathroom." I murmured. "Go back to bed." There was a long moment of silence.  
  
"Ok." he called back and i heard retreating footsteps. I shuddered against the cold. I wanted to hide here forever but I knew I couldn't.  
  
~~*~~ I shuddered. My eyes openned. I felt numb and cold. How unusual? I suddenly felt misplaced and infamiliar. I sat up to look around the room. There were two other beds. I shared a room? I reached over to touch him, to ask him where we were. "Wake up..." Odd. I forgot his name. Wouldn't he be offended. I Frowned. Why would I forget his name. I reached over to turn on a light but there was no lamp.  
  
WHy did I expect one? I didn't show it but I was begining to get afraid. I stood up shakily, gasped, and jumped back into bed. I was naked! I yanked the sheets and covered my chilled form. He groaned. I was naked... in the dark... in bed... with a total stranger... and it's cold. He moaned and stretched. "Erts! Gimme! I'm c-..." he murmured, rolled over, his arm slidding around my waist, and pulling me to him. He nuzzled my back. I yelped and yanked from him. Erts? Somehow that didn't fit... not at all. The boy sat up, wiping his eyes childishly. "Erts! What's wrong with you!"  
  
"I wish I knew..." I got up and searched hectically for clothes. I found a pair of boxers and put them on. They fit me. I frowned.  
  
The boy's large gray eyes stared at me with concern. "Are you ok? Do you regret this already?"  
  
"How can I regret what I don't remember." I replied softly, looking down.  
  
The boy got up, scooped up a pair of pants. he winced. "Ow, sore..." I winced as well, but only from guessing at what we might have done... or not done. He grabbed me by my shoulders. His hands were warm against my cold skin. "Damn, you're icey cold." I nodded. He was about to pull me close but I retreated. No. I couldn't. He looked hurt. "Erts, you're acting funny. It's me Zero." he urged. I ran for the door, sudden fear seizing me. Zero... I remembered a Zero. I closed my eyes. but that Zero scared me... it scared me a lot. I openned the door and stumbled out.  
  
Why did he keep calling me Erts? Was that like a nick name? It sounded odd. Especially for me. I stopped at a glass. I looked at my faint reflection. I reached out to touch it. All I felt was cold glass. I blinked. For some reason I expected warm flesh fingers. "I'm going crazy." I whispered. I closed my eyes. Could it be possible that I might have lost my mid over night? I had memories... or more so thoughts and feelings. But they didn't fit. Somehow they just didn't fit.  
  
The one called Zero came up to me, heaving. "Erts... yourclothes." He glared at me. "If you had regrets you didn't have to pretend to go crazy."  
  
"Forgive me Zero I... I paniced." well, I did. I paniced because I have no idea where I am! Who I am! Who he was! Thos kept getting scarier. He frowned. I reached over and touched his face. I didn't want to hurt him. "Gomen?"  
  
He smiled and hugged me. I didn't push him back. I just let him.... I guess I'd have to explain it to him later. Right now... I was suddenly... tired. "I want to sleep..." I murmured, closing my eyes and leaning my head against his. He was nice and kind. I couldn't turn away his kindness. Kindness was rare and too often taken advantage of. Especially my kindness. ~~*~~  
  
A/N thats chpat 1. You like? I know its not good but hey I'm working on it. Gee, I wonder what happened? 


	2. Trust

-~~^*~--~*^~~- ~__--==-/\-__~*^*~__-/\-==--__~ ~--*~*_^_*~*--~ Prologue ~*~ A battle for evil lies on both sides of the spectrum. On both sides, the lives of millions rest in the hands of five young pilots. And on both sides there's a boy. A boy with compassion, a boy who fights against his will, knowing it's for the greater good. A boy who's innocence and kindness shines through another's heart. And that heart is the heart they should trust in when they seem to feel lost. Will they reach out and trust in the pure heart or will they shun away in fear?  
  
-~~^*~--~*^~~- ~__--==-/\-__~*^*~__-/\-==--__~ ~--*~*_^_*~*--~ Chapter 2: Trust ~*~ I awoke lying on the side of the bed. Zero was still asleep. I sat up, looking around. I still felt misplaced.I slid out of the bed, picking up the clothes Zero said was mine. I dressed up and nugded him awake. "Zero.. Zero, please. Wake up, Zero." I said softly. The remaining two beds remained empty all night.  
  
"Kizna... it isn't... my fault.... this time..." he rolled over. I furrowed my brows.  
  
"Zero I have to talk to you about last night!" I said louder, not wanting to yell. I found it hard to yell. It was mean. And I don't like being mean....  
  
"What happened last night?" asked a voice from behind me. I jumped and turned to see a boy with glasses examening me. I blinked and turned beet red. "Interesting..." he examined. He must have gotten the wrong impression. Or maybe it was the right impression. I wouldn't know! I frowned. This wasn't right! I should be able to remember at least something like that.  
  
"Um... Nothing. Absoluetly... nothing." I walked out in a rush, avoiding the other boy that entered. I walked into a girl. "Sorry! I'm so sorry." I apologized profusely. THe dark haired girl stared at me. She had a lone braid to the side. Her eyes widdened and she threw her arms around me.  
  
"Erts! I've missed you so much...." I closed my eyes. I was begining to know less and less as I learned more and more about this Erts I suppossively was. "I've been so worried. We were so close before..."  
  
I snapped my head. "Are we still?" I asked.  
  
She smiled, her eyes teary. "Of course!" Finally. Someone I could trust that wouldn't fall asleep and murmur someone else's name in his sleep. Odd. That shouldn't have bothered me. I stood up, helping her up.  
  
"Then we need to talk... in private." I said softly. She lead me to a room where there were trees and a pond.  
  
"Yes?" she whispered.  
  
I began explaining what happened last night, begining with the vague details I could remember from the dream. I explained how I hardly remembered anything but instinct kept telling me I wasn't Erts. That I didn't fit in. She stared at me. She reached out and rested her hands on my face, her eyes tearing.  
  
"Erts..." she laughed. "Wait, you're not Erts..." I frowned. She was concerned. I placed my hand on her shoulder.  
  
"You can still call me Erts." Her arms wrapped around me and she rested her head against my chest. We stoo dthere for a long silent moment.  
  
"Erts Virnny Cocteau. Thats who everyone thinks your are." she gasped . "Oh my, what if you're called into battle! You don't anything on how to pilot the goddess..." She seemed more worried then before. "Erts, you have to make me your repairer... come on." She took my hand and lead me away. Goddess? Repairer? Battle!?  
  
~*~  
  
I jumped when I was nugded awake. I looked up into energetic cobault blue eyes. "Hey, Q-man, you slept in here?" he asked. I stood up, shaking a little.  
  
"Why is it so cold here?" I asked. The brunette shrugged. I stared at him when I noticed his long braid. I blinked. At least... I think he's a guy. I couldn't tell with the bulky black T-shirt he had on. "who are you?" I asked softly.  
  
"Ok.... you've lost it." Well, if I had to jugde just by the voice, he's a guy. But what a funny way to have your hair. I reached out and touched his face. He froze. I remembered blue eyes. Ethuasism beaming from them, curioisity, excitement, a constant happiness. I remembered a shock of brown hair. I closed my eyes such familiar details yet such infamiliar ones as well. "Quatre, you're scaring me." he whispered.  
  
"I'm scaring myself... I don't know where I am. Who I am. Why I was lying with a stranger. Nor who you are." My vision blurred and his infamiliar features became more familiar. I covered my face. "I'm so afraid. Why can't I remember anything? All I know is a perfect blank. Nothing. Emptiness... help me. Please." The young man frowned. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and lead me through the other door, opposite the room i had entered from the previous night. He sat me on what I assumed was his bed. He tossed me a long black T-shirt and long pajama pants.  
  
"I believe you." he finally said heavily, as he sat at teh foot of the head, facing me with a frown. "But I don't know how to help you. I mean, if there's anything I can do...." He looked down. "Damn, man, what happens if we're called to battle? We're screwed without you."  
  
"Battle." I repeated. I remembered battle. Fighting. Lots of fighting. I closed my eyes and hugged myself. I didn't like fighting... not at all.... "I don't want to fight."  
  
He chuckled. then he paused. "Hey,that means you have no idea who I am? Well, shows how smart I am... I'm Duo Maxwell. And the guy you were with is your boy friend, Trowa Barton... well actually he *has* no name, we call him Trowa anyway but it gets very confusing when talking about Marie-Maya, you don't remeber her either, well anyway, th-" I covered his mouth. His speedy talk was making my already over worked mind spin.  
  
"Thank you. But one sentence at a time." I explained. He smiled under my hand. I pulled back and smiled back.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's ok." I sighed. Duo folded his legs indian style. I looked down. "Boyfriend? so I'm..." I blushed. He chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, you are. But we're all col with it. Heero doesn't have a heart nor a consicence so it really doesn't matter. And Wufei's all whacked out anyway so really, they're n-" he cut himself off and frowned. "You don't have the slightest idea who I'm talking about."  
  
Quatre shook his head. "I'm sorry..."  
  
"Don't worry about it! Just relax and listen to the soothig sound of my voice..." I chuckled. He was nice. He made me feel comfortable.  
  
~*~ Rome held my hand. The blue haired girl held her own hands together. Her eyes teared over. "Oh but Erts... I understand." she said in her soft childish voice. Rome said her name was Tune. She did have a melodic voice. She saluted me. Then she walked away, hugging herself. I frowned. Rome rested her head on my shoulder.  
  
"She loved y-... I mean Erts's brother, Ernest. He died in battle. She thoght... maybe by being your repairer... maybe she could still do something for him." She looked up with a sad smile. "But my priority is your safety, whoever you are..." She closed her eys and hugged me. I returned the embrace. Safety?!? There was something she wasn't telling me. She stepped back, wiping her eyes. "I hope we can still get Erts back to normal. Come on," she lead me down an elevator to a hangar.  
  
I stood in awe, an eerie feeling runing up and down my back. Five beautiful female shaped battle robots were lined beside each other. they were vivid colors, orange, green, blue, red... and then my eyes were drawn to the large white one. I reached out to it. Rome yanked me toward one of them. "These are Ingrids. They are also known as Goddesses. Each Goddess has a pilot and a repairer. The White Goddess's pilot is Teela Zain Elmes. Her repairer died. Rioroute Vilgyna is pilot of Augie Keameia, his repairer is Phil Phleira. Yu Hikura is pilot of Tellia-Kallista, his sister is his repairer, Kazuhi. Gareas Elidd is pilot of Eva Leena, with Leena as his repairer. You pilot this one. Reighned Klein. Tune was your repairer after your brother, Ernest. Now you've 'choosen' me as your new repairer. I'm glad Tune wasn't so tough about it... "  
  
"They're beautiful..." I whispered. Rome smiled and took my hand. "What do I do?"  
  
"You enter." she said as the metal doors open, revealing a hseet of film. I stumbled back.  
  
"Come...." came an eerie soft voice...  
  
"What?" i looked around. Who had called me? "Rome was that you?"  
  
"Me what?" she asked, startled.  
  
"Who told me to come." i said, confused.  
  
"No." she said it slowly, worried.  
  
"Come, Quatre... come to me, enter..." The hair on the back of neck rose. She called me.... Quatre. Was that my name? It felt right. It did. But I felt afraid. "Come to me, I won't hurt you." I stepped forward and stood before the cockpit, eyes wide in awe. It was this ingrid. I closed my eyes. She had a sweet voice... but who was she? "Come to me."  
  
"Erts?" Rome touched my shoulder. My eyes flew open and I looked at her.  
  
"She's calling me, Rome. The goddess is calling me. She knows my name... my real name." I looked at the beautiful mecha. It had a majestic yet soothing aura.  
  
"What is your real name?" she whispered, holding her fist to her chest, staring at the ingrid as well.  
  
"Quatre." I whispered. I stepped forward and touched the film. I closed my eyes and fell forward into it.... I heard Rome's worried gasp. And then it was her voice. Her melodic, maternal voice. Soothing and sweet, filled with innocence and knowlegde, beckoning me...  
  
"Quatre... you are lost."  
  
"I am."  
  
"You can find your way back home, Quatre."  
  
"Can I?" I whispered, my eyes still closed.  
  
"Open your eyes Quatre." I did. I openned them and stared into the porcelain face and a teal haired girl. She was so beautiful that I was left in awe. "Quatre... you have Erts's abilities, Quatre. Trust in them. A battle is coming. You must fight. I'll guide you... just trust me..."  
  
"I do."  
  
"And trust her." her face shattered from the teal haired goddess to Rome's innocent sweet face. Her cute smile and large concerned eyes. I reached out toher face.  
  
"I trust you. Rome..."  
  
"E-... Quatre? What is it? I'm here..." I closed my eyes. Her voice became more and more anxious. The face disappeared. I knew it wasn't the real her. It was an image, to show me she's the one... the one for me to trust."Of course you can trsut me."  
  
"Rome... you're beautiful..." I close my eyes and drifted further yet closer. Feeling the goddess surround me in a warm embrace though I couldn't see her arms. She held me as I fell, comforting me, protecting me.  
  
~*~ I stiffled a yawn as Duo continued rambling about the colonial wars. I got up and walked into the bathroom, the door open, so I could still hear him. I froze when I saw him. The guy from the evening before. My cheeks burned and I looked down. Trowa. His name was so eerie to me. He walked up to me, his tall frame standing before my meek form. "Quatre... what happened? I was worried..." I looked to teh side, silent.  
  
Duo bounded in, a big smile on his face. "Hey Trowa! Morning sunshine!" he teased him. I bit my lower lip, grateful Duo came. I couldn't help be to cling mentally and emotionally, to Duo. His presence reminded me of one I was very found of back home. Home? What home... this is suppose to be my home. Literally mine. From what Duo said... I was rich. Me? Rich? I sighed, my thoughts boggoling me once again.  
  
"Good morning Duo." Trowa looked back down at me. his warm hand touched my cheek. I clenched my jaw. "Quatre... did I hurt you? You seem so distant now..." Duo frowned beside me.  
  
"Trowa, buddy, he's not feeling well."  
  
"Duo, I think he can speak for himself." Fear once again gripped me. What do I say? I must have loved him. But I don't feel anything now, just fear, emptiness and confusion. I stepped back, tears forming in my eyes.  
  
"No I can't..." I smiled. "He's right... I'm not... feeling well. Forgive me." I ran into Duo's room and lied on the bed, burrying my face in his pillow. My sight might be of no use like this but my ears picked up Trowa and Duo...  
  
"What did I do." that was Trowa. I felt bad. I didn't want to hurt him. But how do I explain that for some reason, while sleeping, I lost everything? every crevice of knowlegde from mind except for a few feelings and thoughts.  
  
"Nothing, Trowa. I'm not going to say anything but Quatre isn't feeling well. you know the drill, bud. I don't lie." I heard a sigh. Was it Trowa's? I wasn't sure.  
  
"I don't understand. What does he mean? Had I hurt him? Is he sick?" pure concern filled his voice. So pure and vivid, despite the monotoneness Duo had described him with. posessing.  
  
"He's sick. he's not.... himself." the understatement of the day. I wasn't just 'not myself' I was osmebody else in total! I wasn't Quatre, Trowa's boyfriend, or a gundam pilot. I'm just not!  
  
"Why does he trust you and not me? quatre's always been able to talk to me."  
  
"I don't know... he doesn't want to leave my room. He doesn't want me to leave him alone. He seems... afraid. Look, Trowa, we'll talk about this later. Maybe by then he'll be ok and he can talk to you." A long moment and the door within both rooms were shut. A weight was placed beside me, against my back. I lifted my head and saw Duo. "Q-man... what do I tell him?"  
  
"You did well, Duo. Thank you... I just feel... lost."  
  
"So you've told me that past four hours. You do know you can trust me so that's a plus!"  
  
"I don't know who I can trust. I just knew you wouldn't jugde me. and somehow... I remember you. Or more someone like you... someone I miss a lot. I want to go back home... home, this isn't home. this isn't where I belong. Quatre's not my name. Trowa's not my love..." I looked at the wall, tired of tears.  
  
"Sorry but it looks like you're stuck here, stranger, until you can go back."  
  
I rolled onto my back. I was quiet. I closed my eyes. He must have known I wasn't asleep but left anyway. I lied there, eyes closed, mind releasing everything it was holding. I forced myself to let everything go... to sink into myself...  
  
'Erts... when will you coem back to me?' came a sweet angelic voice.  
  
'I don't know'  
  
"But Erts... I miss you."  
  
'Erts? Is that who I am?"  
  
"Yes. My Erts. Will you do anything to come back to me, Erts?'  
  
'Yes. Anything.'  
  
"Trust... trust Erts. Trust them. All of them. All four of them. They will help you. Trust in quatre's skills, trust in his presence within that body. Fight, Erts, and trust. then you'll return to me...."  
  
'Then? Why not now... I want to go home. I'm lonely here.'  
  
"Trust ...."  
  
As gently as her voice rolled in and filled my mind with her soothing presence, she rolled away, like a misty fog. Now my mind was filled with questions again. But in the mess of those questions I found one certainty. Erts. My name was Erts. I know who I am.  
  
I am Erts.  
  
And I can trust in that knowlegde. But I can also trust in Quatre and his friends... and his love. 


	3. Confidence

Prologue A name is simple. And yet it is complex. You have no control over which one is chosen for you and yet it becomes your verbal identification. A name, the Boys of Destiny have learned theirs and discovered the importance of trust. But also, they have learned that a battle awaits them. This known, the two face their upside down lives with the ones they trust and their vacant memories.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
I bit my lip as I followed her. Her braided black hair falling on her shoulder. I was told to keep my head high and look composed and relaxed. But how can one who knows so little of themselves, one so uncertain of their future, one who isn't composed or relaxed pretend to be? I don't like lying. We entered the cafeteria and she whispered to me about eating. I wasn't sure I wanted to eat. I remembered my exit from the Ingrid, Reigned Klein, and I sighed.  
  
Rome was so concerned for my well being, so afraid of what happened and above all so confused. I looked at her and our eyes met. She must have seen my uncertainty, my fear. She offered a warm smile and took my hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "Everything will be fine." She whispered. I nodded, swallowing.  
  
"I hope so, Rome. I just feel so helpless, you know? I don't know what to expect."  
  
"No one does, truly. The future isn't set in stone so no one knows what it will bring." She said lightly. I half smiled, the words comforting me. "Erts," she began, using the other name for the surrounding people's sakes. "You'll be fine as long as I take care of you." Her face was bent down at her tray, placing food on hers and mine. I looked at her profile. Her eyes were distant and she bit her lower lip as I did previously. It then occurred to me that she might have been as afraid for me as I was for myself.  
  
I had opened my mouth to comfort her when she looked up into my eyes and openned her mouth. We both closed our mouthes, expecting the other to continue. A second of silence and we laughed. She placed her hand on my shoulder and I leaned my head against hers. We grabbed our trays and turned to head to the table.  
  
In our way were two people. One I recognized off the bat. His cobault blue eyes bore into me and I refrained from shrinking in his glare. Rome figdeted beside me. The pink haired girl beside Zero shook her head. "Erts, what's going on?" he questioned and I blinked.  
  
"Zero, please not here." Hissed the pink haired girl. I looked at her and her cap. She was dressed differently from the other girls, one pant leg ripped. I wondered who she was and then I remembered the name that escaped Zero's mouth this morning.  
  
"Shut up Kizna." Zero hissed. She narrowed her eyes and her hat twitched. I looked at her. This was Kizna. She was an attractive young girl and the two beamed with a strong bond. I looked at Zero. My eyes narrowed a bit and I frowned. I was entirely confused. I awoke this morning with this boy, naked, and I assume we had. done stuff the night previous.  
  
And yet here he is with this girl? Had I right to be jealous? Jealous? How could I be jealous? I am not Erts, therefore not Zero's boyfriend. Was Erts even Zero's boyfriend? Or was this girl his sognificant other? I was silenced for the moment contemplating.  
  
"Nothing's going on." I said simply. Was that the right answer? My head throbbed with confusion. Zero tilted his head. Rome placed her hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Zero what's wrong?" she asked, her hand bringing me solace and comfort.  
  
"Rome Lottes" Zero hissed and he stepped closer to her. Rome stepped back. Kizna hit Zero suddenly, which startled me because I hadn't pictured her to be violent. I looked at Rome nervously. She blinked her face a blank expression. I looked at Zero and felt his emotion of jealousy. It was weird how I felt it. It was as if I knew he was jealous, I knew he was angry. It was a knowlegde set in my mind as true as my hair was blonde. Zero looked fiercely at Kizna. "You don't understand. Erts and I. last night we." his eyes teared with such over whelming anger. "She can't do that to him!" he hissed.  
  
People's heads began to turn and soon murmurs began. I stumbled back, trembling. Rome touched my shoulder and I felt relaxed for the most part but still uneasy. She stepped forward and met Zero's eyes with warm smile. "Zero, you surprised me there. Your act was very amusing." She tilted her head and looked at Kizna. Some unknown message came across the two.  
  
Kizna laughed and turned to the befuddled Zero. "Ah Zero! We've been found out!" She turned to everyone and bowed. "Thank you! Thank you ladies and gentlemen." She turned to Zero. "Zero, it is impolite not to bow after a performance." Her eyes were feirce, her words sharp though seemlingly light. Zero swallowed and laughed nervously with a bow. Kizna stood up. "Now feel free to continue eating!" She grabbed Zero and dragged him away. He glanced back at me and I looked away in discomfort, my cheeks a flare. Rome looked at everyone.  
  
A murmur reached my ears. "Poor Erts, prey to another one of Zero's antics. An Ingrid pilot forced to level with an idiot like him." Rome led me to a table apart from everyone. She sat gracefully and non-chalantly ate, taking small pieces of her meal. I looked at my food, my appetite having fled me. Personally, I didn't remember being hungry to begin with.  
  
"Rome. you were planing on saying something before Zero. attacked us." I said softly, the use of the term Attack light. I was still shaking a bit but every passing second I began to believe in the façade more and more. It had to have been an act. Rome was too calm and collected, Kizna was too precise. but Zero's emotions, they cut into me so harshly as if they were a sharp blade. I looked into Rome's eyes and felt the anxiety edge away. I reminded myself I wasn't Erts. Zero couldn't hold anything against him or me. if he ever recived his body back.  
  
Rome blinked and looked down. She sighed. "When you were in Reined Klein. you told me. you said," she blushed and shook her head. She looked down at her meal and I thought back to the warmth that was the Ingrid's cockpit.  
  
"I said you were beautiful." I whispered softly. She looked up with wide eyes. I swallowed and sighed. I smiled at her shocked expression. I reached out and touched her hand. "And you are." Her face became serene and she smiled gently.  
  
"Thank you Erts." She whispered. She mouthed Quatre and my worries of her still hoping I was Erts Virnny Cocteau melted away. She knew I, Quatre, said it. Not Erts, not the Ingrid's influence. I meant it and I was comforted knowing at least one person knew who I was and didn't hold anything against me. One person was here to help me and understand me and comfort me. I liked Rome's presence, it didn't make me feel like I had to live up to who I'm not or to pretend. I smiled and for the first time since I had awaken. I meant it.  
  
Appetite having returned, or better said, having first been awaken I began to eat as well.  
  
~*~*~  
  
I saw him sitting at the windowsill, over looking 'my' landscape. Of course I knew it wasn't truly mine. It was this Quatre whose place I was forced to take. I cleared my throat into my fist. I felt my fist tremble against my lips. He didn't start nor jump. He just turned his head toward me, his emerald eyes flickering in the morning sun beaming into the window.  
  
I took in a shakey breath. I was nervous and had planned on pushing this confrontation until I was better prepared. But the more time that passed the less prepared to face him I felt. I had to explain, to have him see. it's not Quatre who doesn't love but me, another being in general who just didn't. love him.  
  
"Trowa?" I asked, my voice unfamiliar to me. In my mind I chanted, like a mantra for sanity and composure, my name. Erts. I am Erts, not Quatre, therefore it can not be held against me. I prayed he'd see. I hoped he'd believe. I wished that he'd understand and accept. He nodded and I resisted a shudder as his eyes melted with love toward me.  
  
No. Not me. Quatre. I am Erts. Trowa stood and walked toward me. I swallowed. I had no obligation to play a part. I had no reason to pretend I was who I wasn't.  
  
"Yes, Quatre." His voice was soft as it caressed my cheek. My cheek!?!  
  
I jumped when I realized how close we were, blushing like mad. When had he gotten that close? Was I that inwrapped in the complexity and enigma that were his eyes that I hadn't noticed the rest of him? Was this what Quatre found in him. I frowned. No. Quatre must have loved him. "I have something to say."  
  
I sounded so frail, even to myself. Trowa's hands rested on my shoulders. His hands were warm and I felt them through the thin material of the silk shirt I wore. I felt the tremble from my hands rise up my arms and take hold. It was slight but present enough for Trowa to notice. Mistaking it for me being cold he pulled me close. My cheeks pressed against his chest, my eyes wide. His warm embrace and strong arms relaxed me but gave me a new tension. Was I allowed to take this liberty with him?  
  
Soon Trowa's hand found my hair and I realized I was endulgiong far too much. With great resentment I stepped back. But I found in his embrace some strength. "Trowa. I have to explain something to you." I said with less difficulty. Trowa furrowed his brows.  
  
"What Quatre?" His hand reached out and touched my cheek. I closed my eyes and began to gain a sense of composure and a sense of certainty. With each touch from him I realized, even if physically I'd very much so enjoy playing this role, my heart and soul was not in it. They longed to float into the arms and mind of another. Another more like Duo, a free spirit with a warm heart.  
  
"You call me Quatre. You're so sure I am he because of what you see. But think with your heart and tell me. Can you still recognize me as Quatre? Can you honestly feel Quatre in me or do you see the truth. that I am not myself." Trowa looked baffled for a second and I offered a soft smile. "I awoke this morning with no memory. no idea of who I was or for that matter who you were. I awoke naked, in the arms of a stranger in a room I didn't recognize as my own. I was afraid then. I know, some how as crazy as it sounds, that I am not the one you know and love. If you truly love Quatre you'll know and believe. you'll see, Trowa."  
  
We stood there in silence and second by second I began to loose my confidence. I was hurting him. His eyes looked disbelieving. I looked down and murmured an apology.  
  
I am Erts. I have no obligation. I am Erts. Not Quatre. Erts. If he wouldn't see, I wouldn't pretend.  
  
"How?" he whispered. His voice was so soft it surprised me. My eyes quickly rose to meet his, mine filled with my grief and frustration but mostly my guilt. I began to play Quatre only to push him away. Now I confused him. Now I probably scared him. for all he knew I was crazy.  
  
Am I?  
  
I'm hearing a female's voice in my mind.  
  
I have no memories I feel I can call my own.  
  
These people claim my body is one person when I feel I'm another.  
  
Am I Erts? Or am I Quatre? I covered my face with my cold hands. I wasn't sure anymore.  
  
I blinked and my confidence faded, shattering into sharp useless shards. I stepped from him. What made me so sure I was Erts? How could I trust myself? I knew nothing, I was sure of nothing. "I. I don't. know. I just. don't." I shook again, this time so hard it was visble. But Trowa stepped forward and embarced me. I buried my face in his soft cotton shirt. The green turtle neck I saw in his picture Duo showed me.  
  
I remembered that much. I remembered the morning. I remembered the cold. I remembered Duo for the few hours it seemed that I knew him. I remembered feeling the warmth of Trowa, then a stranger, when I felt his stomach. Thos were memories I knew amd was sure of. But anything else was just. madness? "Quatre." Trowa whispered and I sobbed.  
  
No.  
  
Yes?  
  
I didn't know. Who am I? Why aren't I sure anymore? What has this man done to me?  
  
She said I could trust in him.  
  
How can I when I can't even trust myself. trust in who I am?  
  
I felt us drop to our knees. I felt my eyes drift close was I cried. How would I know? "Help me." I felt my lips mouth and what I now know as my voice speak.  
  
Soon my cold lips met warmth. The warmth of Trowa's kiss.  
  
I closed my eyes, tears streaming down my face.  
  
And then a memory. One I knew was my own.  
  
Zero.  
  
I pulled back. "Zero. I love Zero." I stood up and blinked. "I'm Erts and I love Zero. I'm, not Quatre. I don't love you. I won't force myself to pretend I am either Quatre or in love with you. But I am willing to be your friend. If nto. then that's all I'm offering." I turned and walked out, I couldn't let him make me doubtr myself again.  
  
He couldn't.  
  
For I loved Zero.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Neh? Whaddya think of chapter 3, huh? I wanted to emotionally torment Erts, sorry ^^. I just had to somehow bring about his emotions for Zero. As for Quatre ^^ he'll get his torment NEXT chapter. 


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